So there’s a blog post circulating “The Facebook” and it has me a bit irritated. It’s all about 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before 23. I agree 100% that many people should not be married at a young age and they should absolutely find themselves first, but what bothers me about this is it’s generalization. Not every young person gets married because “it’s a safety blanket.” And I absolutely agree that the author is not ready to be married, because if she truly believes that only single people can be responsible for their own happiness then she’s too naive to understand a strong marriage…even between twenty-somethings.
She points out that at the age of 22 she’s got no idea what her future will look like. I understand that’s the norm for most (but NOT ALL) 22-year-olds. But that wasn’t me. I don’t want to feel guilty for having my life pretty much figured out at 22. I had graduated from college, lived abroad, travelled through Europe and across the United States, dated my future husband for three years, decided on my own not to finish grad school and secured a full-time, union job with benefits in my chosen field of broadcasting, as well as established myself as a freelancer in the industry.
There’s certainly still things I’d like to accomplish, but I can do all of them while married. I really can. And you know why…because I’m fucking awesome. Just as the author claims to be. She doesn’t know my relationship or inside the relationships she sees on facebook.
Everyone is different and I would think that in this age the Millennials should be allowed to choose their future…whatever future they want. Millennials are judged enough by the baby boomers and basically every media outlet with dozens of stories about our dependence on our parents, our narcissism, our depression. With all this judgement from everyone else, can’t we just accept that we all deserve the right to choose for ourselves what we want out of life and when we want it???
So let’s see how many on this list I did before 23 while engaged.
1. Get a passport. DONE, done at 19-years-old.
2. Find your “thing.” DONE, TV–it’s been my thing since I was 5 making movies on my dad’s camcorder.
3. Make out with a stranger. DONE, at a bar during a girls night out (and truly that’s so unlike me it’s ridiculous. I don’t choose to do it again, married or not.)
4. Adopt a pet. DONE, dog and cat (what does it matter that it was done with my husband…I still take care of them)
5. Start a band. WOULD NEVER DO, married or not.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too. I’m gonna say DONE…I’ve made cakes…I’ve eaten those cakes, and I’m still happy to be married.
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage. DONE.
8. Explore a new religion. DONE, while in London. Doesn’t mean I ever believed I would become a Buddhist or Muslim. And even if I changed my mind, I could do that while married.
9. Start a small business. DONE, on my own, while engaged.
10.Cut your hair. DONE, cut my hair short plenty of times. Will do it again, more drastically, even married.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. WOULD NEVER DO THIS, even single, it’s not me.
12. Build something with your hands. DONE, without my husband.
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. DONE, I fucking accomplish things. I’ve probably accomplished more pinterest projects than this girl has pinned.
14. Join the Peace Corps. I looked into this in college and loans are what held me back, not my husband. In fact, we plan to do this together when we retire.
15. Disappoint your parents. Again, what? Why would I want to do this. It’s not me. Glad she can accomplish this goal though.
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again. DONE, just because I like Girls, doesn’t mean I don’t also hate the perpetuation of the laziness of millennials.
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. DONE, oh yes, done.
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. DONE, I’ll say this has been done with friends, husband, family, whatever.
19. Sign up for CrossFit. WILL THE GYM COUNT? Spinning through college. I’m saying DONE. And you know what, i can and will workout with a husband.
20. Hangout naked in front of a window. DONE, in college and out. Pretty much do this every time I breastfeed. And it feels great, even if it’s because I’m a twenty-something with a baby.
21. Write your feelings down in a blog. DOING IT.
22. Be selfish. ALL THE TIME. And then I think of others, just as I would if I wasn’t married.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year. I’ve celebrated Chinese New Year in London in Chinatown and at a Buddhist temple with ashes on my forehead from the Anglican Ash Wednesday service I went to before that. I’m saying this is a pretty awesome Chinese New Year story and I’m done.
So, yea, I can choose to be happy, prove my independence, be a strong person and continue to discover who I am while married. Maybe not everyone can. Divorce statistics are not made up, but I’m not a statistic. I can be a millennial with goals, accomplishments and a marriage.
