THIS MOMENT

This holiday season has been so amazing with Jack. It’s so fun watching him explore and experience so many new things. Currently, he loves our Nativity scene. It used to be my parents and they said I always loved playing with it when I was little, too! I’m so excited for Christmas morning to watch him open all his presents!

nytimes.comOUR "MOMMY" PROBLEM 

Overall, I really loved reading this. It’s a helpful reminder after perusing Pinterest for far too long that life is not going to picture perfect.

I 100% agree with the first part of this opinion piece, where the author talks about cringing at being called “Mommy” by someone other than her children. But, my small issues comes with the second part. I do want to throw themed birthday parties, I want to craft, I want to feed Jack as naturally as possible. The piece talks about how there is too much pressure on Moms, but these types of comments actually make me feel guilty for wanting to do some of those things.

My major take away from this piece is that I need to do what I feel is right as a person. I’m a mom, yes, but a person first. 

No wonder so many of us have stopped listening to all those people trying to tell us to surrender, embrace our inner housewife, have it all, accept less than “it all,” be more French, be less attached, be more attached, lean in, lean out. Today’s absurdly conflicting notions of motherhood play far better as comedy. No matter what the script says, we don’t have to perform such a farcical, unrealistic role. We can rip the S off our chests. We’re still the same underneath it all.

MILK & COOKIES: JACK'S 1ST BIRTHDAY

I can’t believe my baby boy is no longer an infant. He’s a full-fledged toddler now. To celebrate this huge milestone, we threw him a fun 1st birthday party with all of our friends and family (or as many as we could fit into our house)! 

I love throwing parties, but I sometimes put way too much effort into little details and end up missing the actual fun of the night. So for this party, I tried to stop myself from going too crazy and let this be more laid-back, but with a few fun details. 

I think choosing a theme makes party planning so much easier. I chose Milk & Cookies as our theme and based all of the details around that. Seemed easy enough, and actually it was! We had a fun cookie contest between our guests and some of them got really competitive! Plus, it was nice that baking was checked off my list! We got store bought cupcakes and garnished them with mini cookies ourselves to save some money. We also bought lunch instead of making it. I served lunch meat and sandwich salad sliders. It was easy, and I really loved that I didn’t turn the oven on the whole day! My mom made pulled pork sliders in the crock pot and that was a huge hit!

I kept the decorations simple, as well. My colors were black, white and red. I threw in some pattern as well, with polka dots and stripes. My favorite decoration was a photo collage in the shape of a “1”. I really hope to keep this up each year. I did it for the Ginger’s 25th birthday and for me it’s fun to choose the photos and make sure the guests are sprinkled throughout it, along with the birthday boy.

We really had such a blast with everyone. I think Jack truly enjoyed seeing so many people and getting so much attention. He loved opening his presents, and he received so many beautiful and thoughtful gifts. 

And then there was the cake! It took a little while for him to realize that he could really get into it. He’s usually a very neat eater and loves to feed himself, so he didn’t seem to understand how to make a mess. But he learned. Hahah, it was so cute! To make it even funnier, my Papap kept trying to clean Jack off with a napkin! He kept looking at me like, “Come on, he’s a mess” and I couldn’t get him to understand that was the whole point! 

I’m so thankful for this sweet boy. He has made my life infinitely better. I look back on this past year with so much joy. I am so happy that I get to watch this little boy grow up! 

30 BEFORE 30: #16

I had every intention of keeping up with this blog as a journal for Jack’s first year and for my first year as a mom…but as with most of my journals, that hasn’t happened. So now for some back-tracking. 

I’m making progress on my 30 Before 30 list, and this summer crossed one more thing off of it! I put my feet in the ocean with my baby. So here’s a little recap of my summer trips to the beach with Jack. 

Because of antiquated and unfair policies on paternity leave, the Ginger had to use a week of vacation when Jack was born, so that meant he couldn’t attend my family’s traditional trip (well it used to be a tradition, this was our first time going in about 10 years) to Rehobeth Beach, Delaware. We didn’t want him to miss Jack’s first trip to the beach so we took a weekend trip to the Jersey Shore for our first Cole Family vacation!

For a short weekend, we packed a lot into the trip. We spent a day at the beach and the Boardwalk, ate lots of seafood and a New Jersey staple, Taylor Ham, and caught up with a dear friend from college. Jack wasn’t totally into the beach, especially the sand, but he did seem to enjoy the water. That wasn’t a huge surprise since baths are his favorite thing in the world!

Traveling to the beach for summer vacation and playing in the ocean was a huge part of my childhood, and I’m thrilled to have started this for Jack. I hope we are able to go every year and enjoy fun traditions with him. 

A few weeks later, just Jack and I traveled to Rehobeth Beach, DE with my parents and sister. We had such a fun time reminiscing about our childhood trips there with my grandparents. It was kind of surreal being there as an adult. It all felt so different, and yet the same. I definitely remember the hotel we always stayed at, with the pool directly on the boardwalk, but I totally forgot the boardwalk itself. I kept mixing it up with other places we vacationed. But I will never forget some of the moments we shared…jumping in the waves with my mom and going out too deep then laughing about it, getting stung by jellyfish and then begging my dad or Hope to NOT pee on me, eating so many crab legs that I was the only one still left at the table, except for my dad patiently waiting for me to enjoy every last morsel of delicious crab meat!

As per usual with my family, we ended up bickering about some nonsense, but in the end still we enjoyed our time together at the beach. But maybe next time we won’t all share a room! 

P.S. Now that I’ve finished writing this, I remembered that I did write a post for Hope’s blog about the Jersey Shore and she did a post about Rehobeth. So here they are for more detail for my future self looking back on these trips and wondering what else I did! 

MY PRINCE

My baby boy is nearly a year old! We got a few professional photos taken and this outfit was my favorite. I call it his Prince George outfit, because it reminds me of the little Prince’s classic style. It’s a Janie & Jack sleeper from the summer collection, I believe. He almost fits into it! He’s such a handsome and happy little boy! 

THIS WEEKEND I:

Watched: The Walking Dead

Listened: to Taylor Swift…who am I???

Learned: that my fridge was too cold and froze all my vegetables

Ate: an amazing homemade meal at my parent’s house

Read: Lena Dunham’s new book

Drank: apple cider

Thought: about my schedule for the month

Wished: I could stop eating junk

Realized: that it’s my four year anniversary at my first full time job

Bought: nothing, actually! Go me! 

SURNAME

Anne Marie Perri.

For twenty-five years this was my name and I loved it. It has so much meaning, every name is a family history. 

Anne: On my mother’s side going back at least 5 generations the Irish women have named their daughters following the pattern Anne, Bridget Kathleen, Anne, Bridget Kathleen. I plan to name my future daughter (hopefully) Bridget Kathleen. 

Marie: Taken from my Nona’s middle name on my dad’s side. 

Perri: My papap Tony brought this name with him from Italy in the 1950s. I have so much love for this name and my Italian American family. It’s hard to put into words what a last name means, but in my heart I know it’s so important to me. 

After getting married it took me two years to finally make a decision on my name. It was a really difficult decision.  I didn’t want to lose the Perri. I have no brothers and I wanted to keep my part of the Perri’s alive. Also, I felt like I would be less of a feminist if I just took my husband’s name. I felt like I was giving up who I am…that might seem ridiculous, but that’s how I felt. At the same time, I didn’t want a different name from my, then, future children.  I changed it to Anne Perri Cole. Perri is my middle name now. It’s not the perfect solution, but it’s the best compromise for me. The Ginger offered to change his middle name to Perri, but we haven’t really discussed it further. I kind of wish we made Jack’s middle name Perri. Maybe that’s something to talk about more. 

Anyways, it’s taken until this year to finally feel like a Cole. Recently we went to a Pirate game on a free t-shirt Friday just because the shirts were for player Gerrit Cole and had “COLE” emblazoned on the back. When we first saw the ads on TV for it the Ginger got so excited and without even realizing it I was too! We made a point to get tickets and dressed Jack in his baby Cole Pirate’s tee that, of course, matched the Ginger. I looked at the two of them all dressed up and finally felt like a Cole. We’re a new Cole family, a part of a larger Cole clan with the Ginger’s parents, sister, and extended family, but we have our own little family. Just the three of us. I love that. And I love being a Cole. 

HEARTBROKEN

Rest in Peace, Robin Williams.July 21st, 1951 - August 11th, 2014

_{Thank you for bringing joy into my childhood and life with your voice and acting. Thank you for your contagious jokes, your wacky impersonations, and amazing acting. Thank you for making my childhood experience better, and thank you for bringing joy to those even though you battled with your own joy. If only you could have known how much you’ve impacted people. Your life work will live on, and you will never be forgotten. I know I won’t forget you. Thank you for helping me whenever I felt sad and having a film for every mood. Gone, but never forgotten}

30 BEFORE 30: #5

OK so I can’t totally cross this one off of my 30 Before 30 list, but I took a first step. Before I’m 30 I would like to run a marathon. 

One problem though. I. Don’t. Run. Like at all.

So when I added this to my list I don’t know why I thought 26.2 miles was going to happen in the next 4 years. But to take some steps (haha no pun intended) to make it happen, I decided to sign up for the relay part of this year’s Pittsburgh Marathon. A few of my friends and I joined together and each took a leg of it. I didn’t train nearly enough, but I ran (sometimes walked) my 4 mile stretch and actually felt pretty great. Compared to the amazing real runners out there doing a half or full marathon, what I did was nothing, but it was an accomplishment for me! 

I hope that I can actually complete this goal in the next 3 years! I should probably put the running shoes back on and get outside! 

THIS MOMENT

What a cheese! #babyledweaning #blw #babycolepgh

GOALS: MOTIVATION

I know it’s only the end of July but I’m already gearing up for a new season. I want a fresh start and in my mind Fall will provide that. But I need to start now. This summer has been fun, but I have not accomplished as much as I would like. I feel a bit stagnant…on my days off I tend to stay in PJs most of the day watching TV, playing with Jack and napping when he does. I also have done waaaay too much online shopping. I need to snap myself out of this boring (and then expensive) rut and get myself on track. I hope typing out these simple goals will provide some motivation to actually accomplish them. 

1. Live minimally  -  less spending, less clothes, less junk

2. Eat healthy  -  salads, soups, water, real food

3. Exercise  - daily sit-ups, daily walks, work up to running

30 BEFORE 30: #2

I’m so excited to cross another item off of my 30 Before 30 list, have a drink with my 21-year-old sister! It just so happens I’m going in order of the list…however that will end soon because I can’t afford to go to Liverpool next! 

My sister turned 21 while she was studying abroad in England, so when she returned this past May it was time to take her out for a proper birthday celebration! We had a delicious meal at Girasole in Shadyside and enjoyed cocktails, then a few glasses of wine. 

It still blows my mind that she has grown up…I never expected her to stay my little baby sister, but it still sometimes hits me just how old she is now! She’s lived in Europe, alone, for almost a year, has one year left of college, has held several professional jobs, and so much more. I do love watching her grow up into this amazing woman, maybe that’s a cliche thing for an older sister to say, but it’s true. 

On that sappy note, I also like the fact that we can drink tequila shots together now, too. 

THIS WEEKEND I:

Watched: so many episodes of Parks & Recreation…and LOVE it!

Listened: to Jack laugh over everything! 

Learned: that I need to suck it up and just be happy working an overnight shift. 

Ate: my mom’s homemade waffle recipe.

Read: Beyond the Sling.

Drank: a watermelon slushy.

Thought: a lot about my family home.

Wished: I had a real weekend off.

Realized: that I’m almost out of frozen breast milk.

Bought: foam floor pads to baby-proof the living room! 

(A NEW) INDEPENDENCE DAY

The Fourth of July has always been my favorite holiday. Every year my family would host a huge breakfast at our house before heading up to our neighborhood parade. It was a tradition older than me and we took great pride in it. But life happens, my parents moved and Independence Day really became just July 4 to me.

I haven’t been too upset about it the past couple years, but this year was different. I think it’s because of Jack. It’s weird to think that he won’t know that part of my family. I guess it’s not just the 4th, it’s everything that the house represented about my family. He won’t know the card parties with my Pap-Pap Joe, he won’t know that our house was the center of basically all the great family parties, he won’t know where I grew up. I guess I have to actually grow up now, life goes on and we make new traditions. The traditions will be his, the ones that he’ll remember when he’s my age and hopefully cherish. 

A favorite at our breakfast on the 4th were my mom’s waffles…so this year I made them for Jack. This is something I want to continue to do every year, some of my tradition but in a new way for Jack. He loved them! He seriously ate a whole waffle. I mean a lot of it was on the floor, but he ate a ton and kept grabbing for more! 

Then we headed over to Mt. Washington for a picnic at my friend Ashley’s place. She has an amazing backyard and we definitely enjoyed hanging out with friends. Hopefully next year we can stay for the fireworks (I was worried about them upsetting Jack this year). 

All in all it was a happy day celebrating Independence Day, remembering our past and moving forward together. 

IT IS ILLEGAL FOR WOMEN TO GO TOPLESS IN MOST CITIES, YET YOU CAN BUY A MAGAZINE OF A WOMAN WITHOUT HER TOP ON AT ANY 7-11 STORE. SO, YOU CAN SELL BREASTS, BUT YOU CANNOT WEAR BREASTS, IN AMERICA.

-

Violet Rose (via c-icatrix)

This is one of my favorite quotes about sexualization/objectification vs autonomy of female bodies bc it’s so succinct

(via platonicsbeforeerotics)

THIS MOMENT

This boy is loving to roll around right now. He’s a squirmy one when he is held and just want’s to do his own thing. 

theatlantic.comON TV, DADS ARE IDIOTS, AND THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING 

On television shows, dads have been portrayed as incompetent dolts reflecting and encouraging a damaging attitude towards men and childcare.

This was such a good read. I’m a bit media obsessed, TV and movies, and for me it’s always a good reminder to not take fluff movies at face value-the characters are often flawed and should not be the standard in real life.

I’m so happy to be a parent in 2014 with my husband. We are really striving for equality in parenting. We’re not perfect but I don’t think there was ever the expectation that I would be the primary caregiver. We both have our time with Jack while the other person works. The Ginger takes care of Jack at night while I’m working. He knows Jack’s body language, mood, and sounds. Just this morning I was trying to get Jack back to sleep because it was still early and the Ginger yelled up the stairs that it sounded like he needed to burp. He knows his kid. As it should be. I love that. I don’t know how there is any other option. 

“The Atlantic has charted in multiple stories over the past couple years: if we want gender equality, men have to step up as parents to free up their partners as workers. And not when the kids are teenagers, but when they’re babies. 

"What I’ve noticed in my own life and among my friends,” Oppenheimer said. “The men who’ve spent a good deal of time with their kids—maybe not as much as their wives, but a good deal of time—there is a seamless transition as the kids grow up. They develop a competency that they are proud of and that stays with them." 

I’ve noticed a key variation on this pattern, too. Men who chose to—or had to—spend time alone with their infants develop more parenting skills than those who don’t have to "solo,” as I call it. And those early experiences compound as the children get older. If you know what you’re doing when the kid’s two months old, you’ll be more likely to know what you’re doing when the kid is ten months or ten years old.“

FRIDAY IS MY MONDAY

The weekend is actually the start of my work week and it’s when I find myself reading the most. Here are a few articles that caught my attention–is it obvious I’m a new mom? Though I’m not going to lie I did also read the supposed“definitive” list of Disney Channel Movies…because I still could sit down and watch Brink, Zenon and Johnny Tsunami today. 

-Presidential Op-Ed about a family-friendly workplace

-My forever girl crush, Emily Blunt, talking about breastfeeding on Ellen

-Not to state the obvious or anything, but your penis is not the same as a breast

-Why boys should play with dolls

THIS MOMENT

Basically since we brought Jack home from the hospital he has been a good sleeper. At the beginning we would wake him up every four hours to feed him since he was a premie, but he would always go right back to sleep. Then at about 5 months he got too big for his bassinet and he moved into his crib in the nursery. And again, he slept great, usually getting up once a night for my husband (I work overnights). 

But the past few nights, on my nights off, have been anything but easy. Jack hasn’t been wanting to sleep until about 9:30pm, falling asleep in our arms or getting sleepy. We put him in his crib and about an hour later he wakes up. This continues through the night, eventually ending up with him only wanting to fall asleep in our arms. So we’ve been letting him sleep in bed with us. I’m sort of torn on co-sleeping. First of all, it terrifies me…but then I started reading about attachment parenting and it does seem so natural. I definitely don’t want to do it all the time, but I feel like if he needs us right now them I’m going to let him lead us to what he wants. I want to set boundaries, but right now I think he’s too young for that and just wants to be close to us. However, I am tired and don’t think that I could sleep like this forever. We’ll see how the next few nights go. 

 

commonhealth.wbur.orgBEST KEPT SECRET FOR POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION? HELP AT HOME 

So why a doula, you may ask? To put it plainly, a doula can help assure that a vulnerable new mother is not alone in the world. Which is to say, any new mother.

OMG this article. I needed to read this, and especially at this point in my life. At seven months postpartum, I’m at the point that I’m starting to feel like myself again, but then I get overwhelmed with this panic that I am doing terrible at being a mom and fear that I’ll never figure it out fully. This article reminded me that I’m not alone in feeling like this. I mean, of course I have heard all about postpartum depression and the fact that moms are always overwhelmed but this article said it all so genuinely and just reassured me. 

I’m lucky to have had my mom, dad and sister help the Ginger and I care for Jack quite a bit. The Ginger’s dad brought us groceries when we got home from the hospital and filled the fridge with prepared meals, my mom brought dinners over for about a month and my dad cleaned the house for a few months. I always said, and still say, I don’t know what I would do without family.Now I realize there is an answer to that…a postpartum doula. So cool! Even with the help of family it would have been amazing to have someone help out a few hours a week. At the beginning of Jack’s life feeding him was such an ordeal…I would try to breast feed and then we’d both get frustrated, then he’d have a bottle and then I’d pump. Sometimes we did this 8-9 times a day. It took so much out of me and on the days where I was alone while the Ginger was at work and my family wasn’t visiting I would just cry. Luckily, my pumping schedule has become much easier and we’ve made it work, but I think about how helpful a doula would have been during those tough times. And I wonder if I had done something like this for five months, like the author of the article did, maybe I wouldn’t have felt the need to start taking a low dose of anti-anxiety medication.

The cost is so justified. The perspective that the article points out about cost blew my mind…the average wedding costs $30,000 but many people think this kind of postpartum help is too expensive! 

Oh this article. I am seriously so happy I read it! Today I just felt particularly crappy thinking back on the wreck I was after giving birth…wondering why some people seem like they are totally normal after giving birth and why I was a mess. This line was particularly comforting, “new mothers can benefit from emotional and social support for more than a few days in the hospital, for more than a few weeks postpartum, and for more than the first six months of parenthood”. 

CURRENTLY READING: BEYOND THE SLING

Oooh I’m totally an attachment parent and didn’t even know it! Loving this book so far!