Since going back to work I have been really upset about leaving Jack. We’ve got a small army taking care of him…the Ginger (who is not babysitting his own child because it’s ridiculous when people say that about a dad), the Ginger’s parents, and my parents, especially my mom. My mom has been amazing coming over to my house every Monday and Tuesday (and other random days when I take a freelance job) after working an overnight shift to watch Jack so that I can sleep.
I appreciate this so much, and honestly feel so guilty.
I want to be the one there with him and just have our family watch Jack when the Ginger and I want to go on a date. But financially, and mentally, that’s not possible. I need to work.
This month has been the toughest so far. I have a lot of freelancing gigs that I confirmed before I realized that I probably wasn’t ready to work this much. The thing about freelancing is that the more work you turn down, the less work you get. And I really don’t want to flake out on any jobs because chances are I won’t get the opportunity to do them when I feel better. So I’ve been working like a crazy person…16+ hour days,sometimes 7 days a week. I’ve been trying to stay awake when I’m at home to spend some time with Jack, but that means I’m getting like 4 hours of sleep a day, if that. It’s rough, to say the least.
But this post isn’t about complaining. I got an email tonight that confirmed why I’m doing it. I started training at the beginning of the month on a new position for a freelance job and tonight was my first time solo.
To put it modestly, I killed it. Ha! It was a great night, and I really like the position. There was one tiny mistake that probably no one watching the show noticed and other than that it was spot on. I got an email from the producer complimenting me on a great job, and continued on to say that I’m a great asset to the production. It made me feel good.
And it made me realize that I’m working these long days and taking every job I get offered because I am moving my career forward. I want to provide for Jack. A constantly advancing career will provide stability for our family and is leading us to a debt-free life.
It gets so hard sometimes. When I got to my full-time job tonight after working the freelance job all evening and stopping home to see Jack for an hour, I just cried. I got so overwhelmed, but then I checked my email and saw those great words of encouragement.
It’s worth it.
I’m providing financially for Jack. I’m teaching him work ethic, as well as being a strong female role model. Plus, he gets to spend time with other people who love him too. Right now things might be hard, but as my postpartum emotions level out, and once I understand this new mom/work schedule, it will get easier.
That said, I am happily off for the next two days and I plan on doing nothing but cuddle Jack and the Ginger. And even with all the work, I still get smiles like this from Jack! 
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