FASHION CRITICS

So this is just going to be a rant. I’m angry. I haven’t felt great in my body since I stopped breastfeeding, but continue to eat like I never stopped. So when I found a t-shirt dress at the Gap that I felt incredible wearing…it hid my flaws, I didn’t have to worry about sucking in my stomach and I felt pretty…I was really excited. I wore it on date night and to a happy hour, no issues. So I just picked up another one (on sale this time!) in grey. I wore it to work yesterday and last thing before I leave to go home after a long night my coworker laughs and says “Just a sleep shirt kind of day, huh?”. Well, that really pissed me off. Like, whatever, man. Have you seriously never heard of that old saying, “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.”??? Sure, I pick on people’s outfits ALL THE TIME, but I would never dream of saying it to someone! How was I supposed to respond to his comment? Obviously this is what I picked out to wear today, why should I have to explain it to you? 

Then it got me to thinking about online trolls or those Fashion Police type shows…how do celebrities do it? I can remember 3 times in my working life that someone has said something hurtful (or what I deemed hurtful) about my outfits and I can still remember every detail of the scene. I couldn’t imagine dealing with it on a daily basis. And people wonder why celebrities are all addicted to some kind of drug. I admire the celebrities that continue to take risks in their style choices and just be themselves. Or fashion bloggers, who get the trolls without the million dollar paychecks. 

Clearly, I’m not taking the high road and ignoring this guy’s comment, but I hope that by getting out my feelings I can move on. And I think this was kind of a wake up call to just say “Fuck you, I’ll wear what I want”. It probably shouldn’t have taken me 27-years to figure that out, but better late than never, I guess. 

(This is similar to the dress I was wearing, BTW. And OK I don’t look like the model, but I felt like it and that’s what really counts.)

nytimes.comOUR "MOMMY" PROBLEM 

Overall, I really loved reading this. It’s a helpful reminder after perusing Pinterest for far too long that life is not going to picture perfect.

I 100% agree with the first part of this opinion piece, where the author talks about cringing at being called “Mommy” by someone other than her children. But, my small issues comes with the second part. I do want to throw themed birthday parties, I want to craft, I want to feed Jack as naturally as possible. The piece talks about how there is too much pressure on Moms, but these types of comments actually make me feel guilty for wanting to do some of those things.

My major take away from this piece is that I need to do what I feel is right as a person. I’m a mom, yes, but a person first. 

No wonder so many of us have stopped listening to all those people trying to tell us to surrender, embrace our inner housewife, have it all, accept less than “it all,” be more French, be less attached, be more attached, lean in, lean out. Today’s absurdly conflicting notions of motherhood play far better as comedy. No matter what the script says, we don’t have to perform such a farcical, unrealistic role. We can rip the S off our chests. We’re still the same underneath it all.

SURNAME

Anne Marie Perri.

For twenty-five years this was my name and I loved it. It has so much meaning, every name is a family history. 

Anne: On my mother’s side going back at least 5 generations the Irish women have named their daughters following the pattern Anne, Bridget Kathleen, Anne, Bridget Kathleen. I plan to name my future daughter (hopefully) Bridget Kathleen. 

Marie: Taken from my Nona’s middle name on my dad’s side. 

Perri: My papap Tony brought this name with him from Italy in the 1950s. I have so much love for this name and my Italian American family. It’s hard to put into words what a last name means, but in my heart I know it’s so important to me. 

After getting married it took me two years to finally make a decision on my name. It was a really difficult decision.  I didn’t want to lose the Perri. I have no brothers and I wanted to keep my part of the Perri’s alive. Also, I felt like I would be less of a feminist if I just took my husband’s name. I felt like I was giving up who I am…that might seem ridiculous, but that’s how I felt. At the same time, I didn’t want a different name from my, then, future children.  I changed it to Anne Perri Cole. Perri is my middle name now. It’s not the perfect solution, but it’s the best compromise for me. The Ginger offered to change his middle name to Perri, but we haven’t really discussed it further. I kind of wish we made Jack’s middle name Perri. Maybe that’s something to talk about more. 

Anyways, it’s taken until this year to finally feel like a Cole. Recently we went to a Pirate game on a free t-shirt Friday just because the shirts were for player Gerrit Cole and had “COLE” emblazoned on the back. When we first saw the ads on TV for it the Ginger got so excited and without even realizing it I was too! We made a point to get tickets and dressed Jack in his baby Cole Pirate’s tee that, of course, matched the Ginger. I looked at the two of them all dressed up and finally felt like a Cole. We’re a new Cole family, a part of a larger Cole clan with the Ginger’s parents, sister, and extended family, but we have our own little family. Just the three of us. I love that. And I love being a Cole. 

IT IS ILLEGAL FOR WOMEN TO GO TOPLESS IN MOST CITIES, YET YOU CAN BUY A MAGAZINE OF A WOMAN WITHOUT HER TOP ON AT ANY 7-11 STORE. SO, YOU CAN SELL BREASTS, BUT YOU CANNOT WEAR BREASTS, IN AMERICA.

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Violet Rose (via c-icatrix)

This is one of my favorite quotes about sexualization/objectification vs autonomy of female bodies bc it’s so succinct

(via platonicsbeforeerotics)

theatlantic.comON TV, DADS ARE IDIOTS, AND THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING 

On television shows, dads have been portrayed as incompetent dolts reflecting and encouraging a damaging attitude towards men and childcare.

This was such a good read. I’m a bit media obsessed, TV and movies, and for me it’s always a good reminder to not take fluff movies at face value-the characters are often flawed and should not be the standard in real life.

I’m so happy to be a parent in 2014 with my husband. We are really striving for equality in parenting. We’re not perfect but I don’t think there was ever the expectation that I would be the primary caregiver. We both have our time with Jack while the other person works. The Ginger takes care of Jack at night while I’m working. He knows Jack’s body language, mood, and sounds. Just this morning I was trying to get Jack back to sleep because it was still early and the Ginger yelled up the stairs that it sounded like he needed to burp. He knows his kid. As it should be. I love that. I don’t know how there is any other option. 

“The Atlantic has charted in multiple stories over the past couple years: if we want gender equality, men have to step up as parents to free up their partners as workers. And not when the kids are teenagers, but when they’re babies. 

"What I’ve noticed in my own life and among my friends,” Oppenheimer said. “The men who’ve spent a good deal of time with their kids—maybe not as much as their wives, but a good deal of time—there is a seamless transition as the kids grow up. They develop a competency that they are proud of and that stays with them." 

I’ve noticed a key variation on this pattern, too. Men who chose to—or had to—spend time alone with their infants develop more parenting skills than those who don’t have to "solo,” as I call it. And those early experiences compound as the children get older. If you know what you’re doing when the kid’s two months old, you’ll be more likely to know what you’re doing when the kid is ten months or ten years old.“

WHY I WORK

Since going back to work I have been really upset about leaving Jack. We’ve got a small army taking care of him…the Ginger (who is not babysitting his own child because it’s ridiculous when people say that about a dad), the Ginger’s parents, and my parents, especially my mom. My mom has been amazing coming over to my house every Monday and Tuesday (and other random days when I take a freelance job) after working an overnight shift to watch Jack so that I can sleep.

I appreciate this so much, and honestly feel so guilty.

I want to be the one there with him and just have our family watch Jack when the Ginger and I want to go on a date. But financially, and mentally, that’s not possible. I need to work. 

This month has been the toughest so far. I have a lot of freelancing gigs that I confirmed before I realized that I probably wasn’t ready to work this much. The thing about freelancing is that the more work you turn down, the less work you get. And I really don’t want to flake out on any jobs because chances are I won’t get the opportunity to do them when I feel better. So I’ve been working like a crazy person…16+ hour days,sometimes 7 days a week. I’ve been trying to stay awake when I’m at home to spend some time with Jack, but that means I’m getting like 4 hours of sleep a day, if that. It’s rough, to say the least. 

But this post isn’t about complaining. I got an email tonight that confirmed why I’m doing it. I started training at the beginning of the month on a new position for a freelance job and tonight was my first time solo. 

To put it modestly, I killed it. Ha! It was a great night, and I really like the position. There was one tiny mistake that probably no one watching the show noticed and other than that it was spot on. I got an email from the producer complimenting me on a great job, and continued on to say that I’m a great asset to the production. It made me feel good.

And it made me realize that I’m working these long days and taking every job I get offered because I am moving my career forward. I want to provide for Jack. A constantly advancing career will provide stability for our family and is leading us to a debt-free life.

It gets so hard sometimes. When I got to my full-time job tonight after working the freelance job all evening and stopping home to see Jack for an hour, I just cried. I got so overwhelmed, but then I checked my email and saw those great words of encouragement.

It’s worth it.

I’m providing financially for Jack. I’m teaching him work ethic, as well as being a strong female role model. Plus, he gets to spend time with other people who love him too. Right now things might be hard, but as my postpartum emotions level out, and once I understand this new mom/work schedule, it will get easier. 

That said, I am happily off for the next two days and I plan on doing nothing but cuddle Jack and the Ginger. And even with all the work, I still get smiles like this from Jack! 

GALENTINE'S DAY

I celebrated my first Galentine’s Day this year with some of my very best friends! Steph hosted a great night, complete with crepes and fancy cocktails. Jack was the only boy allowed. He totally has his first crush…on Nicole. He could not stop staring at her! 

I really like the concept of Galentine’s Day, celebrating the love between female friends. I think that relationship is just as important as one with a significant other. I hope this is the first of many February 13th celebrations! 

The Mask You Live In

As a new mom it is very important to me to raise my son to be a fair and loving person. I don’t want to box him into a little category of what a man is supposed to be. I want him to understand his emotions and be open to feel. I want him to treat all people with respect and understanding. I hope that he will call himself a feminist. 

I am very eager to see this documentary. The Miss Representation documentary, by the same creators, really moved me. I hope that by just raising my son, I can make a small difference in the way men and women are treated in the world. 

The Breadwinner

According to the 2009 U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, almost 4 of 10 working wives outearn their husbands. I am one of those four women.

I’m so happy to have been born into a generation of more equality for women than ever before. We are, obviously, far from reaching total equality, but I know I have opportunities that women before me were denied. I am proud to be a strong, working woman, and I know my husband is proud too; however, it can sometimes be complicated.

Our pay scales are different, as one would expect with jobs at a local, independent AM news radio station and a television network affiliate. Regardless of the rational and feminist feelings my husband has in regards to being the secondary earner, he still gets down on himself about it sometimes.  There’s still so much I have to learn about marriage and how to eventually raise our future children. I know one’s upbringing has so much to do with these ideas. I grew up with two working parents, with a female breadwinner, and my husband grew up with the exact opposite. I hope my children won’t have to grow up with the notion that to be a man you have to be the breadwinner.

To help ease my husbands worry, I printed out this Time article from March and highlighted my favorite parts. Luckily, I know he is a feminist and will move past some antiquated feelings of earning.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2109140,00.html