14 February 2014

THIS MOMENT

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This is the face of a baby who just slept through the night. That’s right, 8 full hours. And by through the night I mean 11pm-7am. How amazing is that??
Except for the fact that I’m used to pumping every 2-3 hours, so let’s just say I was quite uncomfortable and heavy by the time I woke up! 
Let’s hope this is just the start to something new! 

11 February 2014

Breastfeeding

Goal for the week: 
Work on getting Jack to nurse.
I have had trouble getting Jack to latch and breastfeed properly so I’ve given up. I have been exclusively pumping so he’s only been drinking breastmilk which makes me happy, but it’s really time consuming to feed him by bottle and then pump. I am going to make more of an effort to let Jack breastfeed - then give him the option of a bottle in case he didn’t get enough. 
This buzzfeed post inspired me to give it another go. 
Goal for the week: 
Work on getting Jack to nurse.
I have had trouble getting Jack to latch and breastfeed properly so I’ve given up. I have been exclusively pumping so he’s only been drinking breastmilk which makes me happy, but it’s really time consuming to feed him by bottle and then pump. I am going to make more of an effort to let Jack breastfeed - then give him the option of a bottle in case he didn’t get enough. 
This buzzfeed post inspired me to give it another go. 

04 February 2014

Back to the Freeze

With holidays over and real life with a baby settling in, it’s time to get back to my spend freeze. I’m still not making smart choices with my money. I started this freeze in May and still have 4 credit cards to pay off. The end is not yet in sight. 
However, I did pay off my car in October. That felt good. We are a single car family at the moment and I’m trying to hold off on getting a second car for as long as possible. I really like not having a car payment! 
I have to set some rules for myself and actually stick to them. Living debt-free is realistic, but only if I commit myself to it. If I was debt-free right now I could be planning a trip to visit Hope in London. But I let stupid Target trips and cable hold me back from really living my life the way I want to.  
1. Make simple and easy meals that require a smaller grocery budget
2. Avoid focusing on expensive details when throwing parties (like heart patterned straws for an upcoming Valentine’s Day Brunch…but I already bought them so that is a rule moving forward)
3. Focus each day on spending no money
4. Don’t go to Target
Now for my goals. I want to have all my credit cards paid off by June 20, the first official day of summer. I think this is a realistic goal if I really focus. That means by the start of July I will only have three student loan payments (and realistically probably a car payment since it’s been difficult to be a one-car household lately). 
Alright let’s restart day one tomorrow. I’m sticking to it this time! 

03 February 2014

Mom Cut

Now at 11 weeks old, Jack is grasping. And wow does he have a grip! I am ready to chop my hair off before he pulls it all out! Here are my favorites. I used to always have my hair short like this in college. I had a lot of confidence in college with my style and maybe this look will inspire me to ditch the sweats. Or not, you know, whatever. I’m a new mom. 
Hopefully I’ll get my hairs cut this week :) 

New Mom

For the weeks leading up to Jack’s birth I was counting down the days till I could go on maternity leave…fast forward to 10 weeks of being stuck in the house because it’s -2 degrees outside with a newborn who won’t let you shower, and I was eager to get back to work.
And at times I felt pretty guilty about feeling excited to start working again. I wondered if there was something wrong with that, because shouldn’t I have felt completely fulfilled at home with Jack? But being a stay-at-home mom isn’t for everyone, certainly not me.
I feel like I’m better when I’m multi-tasking. I want to be the best mom I can be to Jack, but having my focus on him 100% of the time would not be healthy for me - or him. During my maternity leave I was worrying myself sick, constantly looking at little things he was doing and wondering if he was sick or behind developmentally. I was putting pressure on myself and ultimately him. I don’t want to do that to him. I need to take a step away, for 8 hours at work, then go back to giving him all my attention. I need the routine of work.
Having said all that, three days into my overnight shift and I had a panic moment at 2:30am, making me rethink all of that. The Ginger said he’d feed Jack by 12:30am (we’re doing a combination of scheduled feedings and child-led feedings…if Jack doesn’t make an effort to eat by a certain time then we feed him. We try not to go beyond three hours during the day and four hours at night). Well 12:30am comes and passes, then two more hours go by and I still haven’t heard from him. He promised to call or text during all feedings. Well I start to worry…what if he isn’t hearing Jack crying, what if Jack stopped breathing, what if the house is on fire and they’re both dead, on and on and on. Then I call him. Twenty three times. Yes, 23 times. My nerves increased with every ring. My anger rose. Then I wanted to cry. Then he finally answered. He didn’t hear his alarm and Jack didn’t cry. Jack went almost six hours between feedings! I’m glad the Ginger got some extra sleep, especially since doing all the nighttime feedings alone is going to be hard work. But I just felt so helpless. It made me realize that although I’m at work, my focus will always be on Jack. And really I wouldn’t want it any other way. 
I’m glad to be back, but I’m truly a working mom now and I have to get used to that. I want to focus in the coming weeks on how I balance being at work and being at home. A routine will calm me, at least I think and hope so. I just have to realize it’s not the same as it was before November 19th. 

02 February 2014

28 January 2014

THIS MONTH I:

Watched: too many episodes of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix
Listened: to my son cry during his first round of shots
Learned: to stop worrying about being perfect
Ate: several meals from my Betty Crocker cookbook
Read: some of Stern Men by Elizabeth Gilbert
Drank: wine and then felt guilty because I had to ‘pump and dump’ my breastmilk
Thought: about what and who my son will become
Wished: I could go to London every time I missed my sister
Realized: I need to work and be a mom, I’m a better person when I’m multi-tasking
Bought: an outfit that Jack outgrew before he even wore it

02 January 2014

1. Walk at least a mile everyday
2. Eat at least one salad everyday 
3. Make at least one recipe a week from the Betty Crocker cookbook
3. Use all freelance checks to pay off credit cards
4. Become credit card debt free
1. Walk at least a mile everyday
2. Eat at least one salad everyday
3. Make at least one recipe a week from the Betty Crocker cookbook
3. Use all freelance checks to pay off credit cards
4. Become credit card debt free

30 December 2013

23 THINGS I DID, CAN DO AND DON’T WANT TO DO: A RESPONSE

So there’s a blog post circulating “The Facebook” and it has me a bit irritated. It’s all about 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before 23. I agree 100% that many people should not be married at a young age and they should absolutely find themselves first, but what bothers me about this is it’s generalization. Not every young person gets married because “it’s a safety blanket.” And I absolutely agree that the author is not ready to be married, because if she truly believes that only single people can be responsible for their own happiness then she’s too naive to understand a strong marriage…even between twenty-somethings.
She points out that at the age of 22 she’s got no idea what her future will look like. I understand that’s the norm for most (but NOT ALL) 22-year-olds. But that wasn’t me. I don’t want to feel guilty for having my life pretty much figured out at 22. I had graduated from college, lived abroad, travelled through Europe and across the United States, dated my future husband for three years, decided on my own not to finish grad school and secured a full-time, union job with benefits in my chosen field of broadcasting, as well as established myself as a freelancer in the industry. 
There’s certainly still things I’d like to accomplish, but I can do all of them while married. I really can. And you know why…because I’m fucking awesome. Just as the author claims to be. She doesn’t know my relationship or inside the relationships she sees on facebook.
Everyone is different and I would think that in this age the Millennials should be allowed to choose their future…whatever future they want. Millennials are judged enough by the baby boomers and basically every media outlet with dozens of stories about our dependence on our parents, our narcissism, our depression. With all this judgement from everyone else, can’t we just accept that we all deserve the right to choose for ourselves what we want out of life and when we want it??? 
So let’s see how many on this list I did before 23 while engaged. 
1. Get a passport. DONE, done at 19-years-old.
2. Find your “thing.” DONE, TV–it’s been my thing since I was 5 making movies on my dad’s camcorder.
3. Make out with a stranger. DONE, at a bar during a girls night out (and truly that’s so unlike me it’s ridiculous. I don’t choose to do it again, married or not.)
4. Adopt a pet. DONE, dog and cat (what does it matter that it was done with my husband…I still take care of them)
5. Start a band. WOULD NEVER DO, married or not.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too. I’m gonna say DONE…I’ve made cakes…I’ve eaten those cakes, and I’m still happy to be married. 
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage. DONE.
8. Explore a new religion. DONE, while in London. Doesn’t mean I ever believed I would become a Buddhist or Muslim. And even if I changed my mind, I could do that while married. 
9. Start a small business. DONE, on my own, while engaged.
10.Cut your hair. DONE, cut my hair short plenty of times. Will do it again, more drastically, even married. 
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. WOULD NEVER DO THIS, even single, it’s not me. 
12. Build something with your hands. DONE, without my husband. 
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. DONE, I fucking accomplish things. I’ve probably accomplished more pinterest projects than this girl has pinned. 
14. Join the Peace Corps. I looked into this in college and loans are what held me back, not my husband. In fact, we plan to do this together when we retire. 
15. Disappoint your parents. Again, what? Why would I want to do this. It’s not me. Glad she can accomplish this goal though. 
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again. DONE, just because I like Girls, doesn’t mean I don’t also hate the perpetuation of the laziness of millennials. 
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. DONE, oh yes, done.
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. DONE, I’ll say this has been done with friends, husband, family, whatever. 
19. Sign up for CrossFit. WILL THE GYM COUNT? Spinning through college. I’m saying DONE. And you know what, i can and will workout with a husband. 
20. Hangout naked in front of a window. DONE, in college and out. Pretty much do this every time I breastfeed. And it feels great, even if it’s because I’m a twenty-something with a baby.  
21. Write your feelings down in a blog. DOING IT. 
22. Be selfish. ALL THE TIME. And then I think of others, just as I would if I wasn’t married. 
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year. I’ve celebrated Chinese New Year in London in Chinatown and at a Buddhist temple with ashes on my forehead from the Anglican Ash Wednesday service I went to before that. I’m saying this is a pretty awesome Chinese New Year story and I’m done. 
So, yea, I can choose to be happy, prove my independence, be a strong person and continue to discover who I am while married. Maybe not everyone can. Divorce statistics are not made up, but I’m not a statistic. I can be a millennial with goals, accomplishments and a marriage. 

An Extra 42 Days

I didn’t expect to meet this guy until today! I’m so happy that I got an extra 42 days with him! #duedate #premie #babycolepgh
I didn’t expect to meet this guy until today! I’m so happy that I got an extra 42 days with him! #duedate #premie #babycolepgh